"I punch him in the throat." — Daphne

Celebrate the group mom's iconic, deeply maternal trauma response with this premium pastel cap. Featuring a cheerful puppy who has clearly been an accessory to a felony and a tasteful, permanent blood splatter, this hat is the official uniform for those who greet visceral horror with immediate, uncalculated violence. 

It’s the perfect accessory for running errands, fleeing the state, or letting everyone know you are fundamentally unsafe to startle.

Features:

• Optimistic Pastel: A soothing pink hue perfectly calibrated to lower the guard of approaching serial killers.

• High-Fidelity Embroidery: Premium stitching designed to withstand high-speed car chases and close-quarters combat.

• Tactical Brim: Keeps the harsh, buzzing lights of an Oklahoma gas station out of your eyes while you aim your swing.

Get yours, and always aim for the windpipe.